Rage, rage, calm...and other fun stuff

BLAARRRRRR.  I stepped on my scale this morning and I'm sitting (not-so) pretty at nearly 216 lbs.  The 190 lbs I was chilling at a few months ago seems so far away now....

I'm going to pull the girl card here and blame it on...you know.  Also, I guess my muscles are probably still holding on to water for repair.  I think this weight bump is going to hold strong for a few weeks...at least while my body adjusts.  Then again, the whole program is constantly changing routines and increasing weights, so it might just become a permanent thing for a while.  BUT if I am doing my eating right...I should still see slow weight losses.  I hope.

Ahhh but whatever!  Weight loss in the form of fat loss is a goal of mine, but I don't want to just lose weight if it means I'm stripping my body of lean mass and becoming even more inefficient.  Eyes.  Pictures.  Erik.  Clothes.  It's on you to tell me when things are changing because I likely won't notice it in myself.

Speaking of goals....yesterday I was soaking in a hot bath and I was thinking about some other goals I have.  Silly things, interesting things, fun things, weird things...all kinds.  This will be a long, winding post...

• I want to be able to perform belly rolls in both directions.  This will take daily practice probably, but I reckon it will help improve my posture and strengthen my puny abs in the process.  And it's COOL!  Erik can do them, but he can't explain it very well because he is one of those people who just could.  I think with dedicated practice I will get it eventually.
• I want to fast one day a month.  I don't want to do this for weight loss purposes, but to connect with myself and exercise discipline and control over food.  I figure one day a month isn't going to harm me, and I will figure out a way to do it so that it's not interfering with my workouts.
• I want to set aside time daily for meditation.  I have so many things going on in my life and my mind--I need a time and space to gather myself and center my focus by clearing all of that junk out for a while.  I know meditation does different things for different people.  I am going to try to not set goals or expectations with this...I want it to be natural and allow the process to enhance me as it will.  
• I want some Vibram FiveFingers shoes.  Um, because they are awesome and look really comfy?  I think the mary jane style is super cute.  I would wear them any place with smooth terrain (like the grocery store, the mall, etc) and while I work out!  I love bare feet!

So those are some weird goals of mine that I want to work on stat.  And now, let me tell you about this cake I made last night...

I wanted some cake.  I'm out of butter, but I have a poop ton of eggs and other stuff, so I made this Random Cake from scratch and without a recipe.  It has flour as well as oats and 10 grain cereal from Bob's Red Mill in it.  The cake also contains plain yogurt and 2 scoops of chocolate whey protein, and a hefty amount of cinnamon.  The topping is walnut-oat streusel.  The cake baked FAST (20 minutes) and still turned out a little dry, so I added a glaze made from yogurt, water, and confectioner's sugar.  Now it's perfectly moist without being too gooey, and the cake wasn't very sweet so the glaze helped in that aspect as well.  Next time, I will increase the oil and sugar, so it's a little more moist and sweet without needing the glaze.

Oh yeah.  Last night I didn't get to the gym.  I got caught up in spending a nice, relaxing evening with my boo and lost track of time.  Tonight.  Tonight..